Loneliness isn’t the Solitude that You Seek.
Do you recharge your soul in solitary times, or does your mind chatter dislike being on its own?
Some people think of being alone as a sign of being rebellious, outcasted or simply misanthropic. However, since many benefits are born out of solitude, a break and a few breaths by yourself are blessings in disguise, thus why not learn to embrace solitude once in a while?
Although, solitude is to be consumed moderately because there obviously are joyful moods good for our health coming from connecting intimately in fulfilling partnerships, from sharing ideas with all kinds of diverse people, family relationships and friendships. Moreover, learning to appreciate alone time, can strengthen your mind and take you closer to your unconscious; getting to know your soul and your unconscious thoughts a bit more; to grow your self knowledge.
Is Solitude Something You Enjoy After You’ve Been Busy?
As a Friday night duty, you check the pizzerias ratings on your phone then scroll through your favorite social media profile. In the background, you hear your colleagues conversation about fine dining without feeling fine. Perhaps it’s the plastic chicken sandwich you had for lunch from the supermarket. To digest, your headphones emit hard rock music, and it all ends as still as the Buddha sitting at peace in the middle of a Viennese waltz once you reach your leaving room.
On Saturdays people come round with pizzas A La Dolce Vita, it’s faster than boiling pasta plus in this digital era, some have higher priorities than home cooking without a delivery bike.
On Sunday the sun is always up, like a moaning headache walking, you can’t believe how silly you’ve been last night for not spending time alone couch potatoing with the one you love. In fact you were not even entertaining your offspring or overdosing on reality shows, you were simply sipping l’apéro.
Monday 7.30 AM:
The programmed alarm clock will go off, the coffee will be drunk on autopilot, and the cell’s GPS will route you to the nearest closet where your sleeping third eye will be dressed. After thanking last night’s bath, don’t forget to brush your teeth as you rush your dog and trash out. Now, don’t pause to breathe the fresh air, better be on your way to make this week fly by quicker than the last one.
Brunch Canteen Hours:
Stressed out since you haven’t checked your 250 unopened emails yet.
6 PM exit and drive;
anxious about running late to Pilates or to make it on time for soccer pub happy hours, turn the radio on to turn off the volume of your patronizing inner voice.
Arrived at your destination;
your mobile rings so don’t worry about taking the time to wonder why you are still exhausted although it seems like nothing happened all day,
Put yourself on autopilot to rinse and repeat the same routine, your mobile rings again,
the anonymous ID caller won’t know how busy you are unless you answer to tell them to call back at lunch break. So pick up the phone at the next red light as who has time to pull over for a second? Hold on, don’t you think it’s time to come to a halt?
Continually sprinting on straining life hills where you’re running miles after a mirage until one day your heart will collapse, and up there, you’ll be waving goodbye to your final dreams as you arrived at the finish line empty ended? No way.
Better use some peaceful time to ponder on how not to end up on that straining hill; let’s stop think that we do stuff on our own when we stuff ourselves at home; if we believe that we know our destination when we don’t even stop to check what turn is best at intersections, we took the wrong turn, then looked as confused as if we had a lost guide for road map. How to know if we are heading in the right direction?
We need to wander alone, travelling solo on a worldwide cruise, doesn’t that sounds adventurous? That’s right, as if you can’t swim you’ll sink and no one knows you over there lost in Alaska. And after you’ve been rescued, why not book for one person in a full restaurant? But will you resist the urge of calling a friend to tell how awesome being alone is?
Alone for dessert at cluttered shopping malls, bumping into irritating people and their noisy electronic machines teleporting them away from the fellow humans surrounding them; being all alone in our perception of reality isn’t similar as reflecting on our own when no one is around.
When You Enjoy Solitude in Your Life,
10 Amazing Things Happen to You:
1. Get a break from trying to appease other people’s insecurities at the expense of pursuing your own pleasures.
Relationships last on an equal give and take as any unbalance in giving and receiving will lead any love story to the nearest cemetery. And this need for equality applies to all types of relations. Thankfully life is filled with an abundance of wonderful kindred spirits souls, nonetheless, when you are in a self contemplation mode, your peace of mind is the only focus of the moment. You can apply your personal value system and belief; you can treat yourself to activities that make you happy, even if that means upsetting someone else.
2. Get to know your emotions to better connect with your subconscious behaviors.
Surrounded by people most of the time? Trying to guess strangers’ thoughts and feelings too often that you end up losing touch of your own? Well, when is the last time you were gone somewhere all alone?
From a bit of solitude comes a greater perspective on your emotional world with the understanding of what unconsciously upsets you, what makes you happy, and who hinders you.
3. Your productivity increases.
Time spent alone is productive because fewer distractions are affecting you as you can simply relax, focus, concentrate and get to it, get it done. Get down to work seriously rather than being influenced by others offers of entertaining fun which impede your productivity.
4. No more pathetic apologizing for inadvertently hurting others feelings.
Shouldn’t they develop thicker skin? Do you have to apologize for any little ego bruising?
Don’t worry, when you are alone, there is no need to apologize for anything.
Why pressurize yourself at tip toeing to not offend or anger the next zombie that unfortunately you are guaranteed to encounter, again and again, on this extincting earth?
Wouldn’t it be better to stop second guessing everything they say, every move they make or to refrain from apologizing all together? Alone, you don’t have to justify your acts or apologize for anything. Alone you do what you will, good for you.
5. Get to recharge your batteries.
Too much socializing is emotionally draining. Sometimes take breaks to replenish your mind and to stay grounded in your own skin, otherwise it’s only a matter of time until you get lost as to who you really are in the midst of others subtle influence on your identity.
Expectations on how our life should be lived, who we should be, how we should behave and what we should think are irritating; it harms our mood; it damages our health.
So at times, enforcing solitude to protect one’s ego and soul from constant interaction in crowded surroundings, especially when it’s to be with people who don’t really matter – that’s an act of self respect, a good sign of caring for oneself.
Don’t be a pushover, recharge your energy before exposing yourself to newspapers fear mongering, to childish gossiping, to pretending being someone you’re not only to inflate someone else weak ego or only to entertain someone else sorrow at the price of your joy.
6. Say goodbye to seeking external approval.
Looking for validation? Stop seeking Okays before taking action.
There is no need to put on a pedestal someone else, isn’t it best to listen to yourself? Everyone receives guidance, everyone experiences signs in synchronicities somehow.
Best be attentive to your instincts after you sharpened them by spending time alone,
best to make decisions without any third party authorization or positive feedback. For only you know what’s best for you.
Although advice on what to do next is wise to listen to, that doesn’t mean you have to agree with and implement everything that society or whoever would do if they were you. Only God and you are you.
7. Say hello to your new found independence!
No longer will be a burning desire to interact with anyone because of fearing solitude.
Instead you’ll be grateful for being alone, and even more grateful for those people in your life who are really worthy of your – now – real leisure time. Best than spending abundance of boredom time with what we call ‘Acquaintances’:
Acquaintance definition, a person known to one, but usually not a close friend.
? Exactly – not close – so best to be alone facing an anxious emptiness to become stronger on the inside in the long term than to depend on whoever comes along to make us feel better for a brief moment.
8. Have more freedom.
Deal with less compromises that leave you feeling dissatisfied or worse, robbed of your opinion, robbed of your time and energy. Initiate things you love doing rather than constantly superficially socializing for looking good in public or for status, this way, compromising your behind the scene identity to appease others while straightjacketing your soul, that won’t be in order anymore. This might have been so as, what you want most isn’t always in harmony with what popular groups want.
9. Leave stress and craziness behind to indulge in selfish self reflection.
Life moves crazily fast, the pace is hectic. So hectic in fact, that it’s rare to have a peace that lasts long enough to outweigh the stress. Turning your focus inwards creates a good opportunity to reflect on how you feel and why. So go for it! Reflect more on your soul.
10. Get to appreciate others more as a result of a greater appreciation for yourself.
On one’s own, time provides greater self appreciation.
On one’s own, relationships are enjoyed even more afterwards, after long silences, noises are much appreciated.
Until one day, you eventually start to appreciate being alone, you are now grateful for what used to be taken for granted yesterday.
30 Self Care Quotes
- “Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” Eleanor Brown
- “Choose, everyday, to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed, and most of all worthy of love.” Alison Malee
- “Self care is a divine responsibility.” Danielle LaPorte
- “I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” Audre Lorde
- “It really is ok for there to be times when you stop putting everyone else first, and just do what’s best for you.” Tracey Leech
- “When you say ‘yes’ to others make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” Paulo Coelho
- “It’s not selfish to do what is best for you.” Mark Sutton
- “Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of others.” Jennifer Williamson
- “Continually swimming an an endless sea of sensation can at times be exhausting, regardless if it is beautifully terrible or terribly beautiful, and this is why your deep-rooted need for peace and self care is essential to support your superb sensitivity.” Victoria Erickson
- “When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings you joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” Jean Shinoda Bolen
- “The time you take away from obligations, parties, and even the people you love to soothe your own soul doesn’t require an apology.” Jennifer Williamson
- “With every act of self-care your authentic self gets stronger, and the fearful, critical mind gets weaker. Every act of self-care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side. I am on my side, each day I am more and more on my own side.” Susan Weiss Berry
- “Self-care is how you take your power back.” Lalah Delia
- “Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it’s holy ground. There’s no greater investment.” Stephen Covey
- “If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” Banksy
- “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” Anne Lamott
- “There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” Brian Andreas
- “Instead of indulging in ‘comfort food,’ indulge in comfort meditation, comfort journaling, comfort walking, comfort talking, comfort manicures, comfort reading, comfort yoga, comfort hugging.” Karen Salmansohn
- “Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself—what you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing. Recreate and repeat.” Warsan Shire
- “Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” Anna Taylor
- “Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.” Deborah Day
- “Close your eyes and imagine the best version of you possible. That’s who you really are, let go of any part of you that doesn’t believe it.” C. Assaad
- “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Washington Thurman
- “The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours — it is an amazing journey — and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” Bob Moawad
- “Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.” Katie Reed
- “By taking care of myself I have so much more to offer the world than I do when I am running on empty.” Ali Washington
- “Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” Bell Hooks
- “Be you, love you. All ways, always.” Alexandra Elle
- “Prioritise self-care & incorporate a MINIMUM of 60 mins ‘ME TIME’ into your daily routine. YES THERE ARE enough hours in the day. NO EXCUSES.” Miya Yamanouchi
- “You always say such lovely things to me, Red. Do you say them to yourself?” Talia Hibbert
Add Enormous Value to Your Life:
8 Rules for Being Alone and Happy
1. Express Yourself Creatively
Creating something meaningful to you, beautiful to your eyes only, is a blissful feeling worth experiencing at least once in your life; make loneliness look useful. When you are alone, everything is art in your heart. Every excuse is gone. When you’re alone, lose your sorrow in your work of art that comes from the heart. Whereas, temporary comforting things and shallow people, soon or later will leave you unfulfilled. So don’t ignore the call; Create Yourself and then Recreate Yourself Again! And again…
2. Make Future Plans to Act Now
If you have no direction in life it’s difficult to feel good every morning and not to worry each time the sun goes down. Unhappiness wandering aimlessly without pursuing anything is visible on those who haven’t yet found the map of their life. Finding purpose for your life in existence isn’t complex or overwhelming, it’s about being present and being the truest you in each moment. Once heart desires are felt, the inspiration to take action makes plans on its own. Solitude reminds us not to dwell on lost opportunities but to make our plans reality immediately. Perfection hasn’t been seen yet, waiting for it, is waiting for eternity so get started today. Perhaps you wish to live alone on a boat, you want to see diverse neighborhoods and meet different cultures or explore the core of eccentric people. Painful or not, loneliness is a beautiful gift from above, but having a life purpose is the fastest way to encounter new interesting people. No matter what’s your pick, going relentlessly towards a goal you love is gaining in self confidence which in turn will attract great people into your life.
3. Do You Talk to Yourself?
Is self talk normal? Are you crazy if you reply to your inner voice? Everyone has an inbuilt radio that whispers hopes and fear in their ears all day long. However, filling time with other people makes this mystical voice difficult to hear as clearly as if you were in your own company. Alone, it’s just you and your mind chatter; a person you want to get to know better. That’s why finding out how to talk to your shadow best friend is worth doing for yourself. Just like when you can’t distance yourself from negativity, sometimes positivity is hard to find outside your mind. So best be kind to yourself and to spend some quality time alone, because who you are is shaped in that moment, in that dreaded instant when you are face to face with your criticizing thoughts, alone, the way in which you talk to yourself, like love; make you or break you.
4. Avoid The Overconsumption Trap! Reduce Mindless Snacking!
When no one is around, it’s a special occasion to celebrate yourself without any gadget, electronic device or other constant distractions of the same hypnotizing sort. This is a time to clearly reaffirm the path that you want to direct your life towards. Use this gift of quietness to ponder on a few questions: Are you happy? What is happiness and do you think it’s realistically possible to aim for non stop happiness? Should you continue doing what you do or is it unfulfilling? What feels good in being unsatisfied? Surely there must be some good, something to learn from simply being content in bleak solitude amongst blank white walls, gazing at what is. What is there to change? Clear answers will come up after you’ve devoted enough attention to solitude.
5. Value You
All by yourself, you’re good enough, a valuable person who doesn’t need anyone’s approval for you to be true to you. Being alone is a choice. Unlike you, anyone with low standards can find someone to spend time with very easily. Like you, anyone allowing into their life whoever isn’t a great fit for them, is confidently believing that they are better off by alone than with someone who brings them down.
& Trust You
It’s true, sometimes we must ask for advice, otherwise how would we expand our mind to get inspired by new ideas? It’s true, no one here has all the answers to all problems. That’s why in such cases, others experiences can greatly benefit our struggles and help fulfill our dreams or achieve our goals. However, like a spiritually strong, a gut confident person, don’t be afraid to ask yourself for advice.
Value your opinion on your own; ask your intuition and if you don’t have one, then find logical facts before believing what someone else said unless it’s clear to you that their knowledge on a matter is greater than yours – Why blindly follow anybody only because it’s trendy?
6. Make Every Interaction Count
Socializing in solitary. It’s a solitary entertainment to watch your surroundings and listen to others rather than saying too much about ourselves. Time spent with people is as important as time spent alone. No situation is boring, boredom, it’s just not paying attention to all the beautiful, to all the awful people. Take interest in someone else once in a while, understand where they are coming from to better understand where you are from. Every interaction with human beings and pets is to be treasured; Don’t wait for someone to die to tell them how much you love them, because who knows who won’t be here anymore tomorrow. Time spent with who matters most is important.
7. Observe The Empty Space
Truthfully, learn to be an observer and you will enjoy being alone.
Look at ordinary situations in new ways.
If something does not interest you, it says more about you than whatever disinterests you.
Everywhere you go, make an effort to read through people around you, see the little hints about themselves that they give out when no one is watching, this way you’ll feel a bit more connected to them, which makes it easier to understand them and all the annoying or fascinating things about them.
Helpful Links and Resources
To learn more about the topics explored in this blog post please visit: The Psychological Benefits of Being Alone
What it really means if you talk to yourself
Charles Bukowski Quotes About Solitude
Observe The Dark Silence with Wide Open Eyes
The world is busy, in this place if you don’t stop to breath for a moment, you can fast forget how nice it would be to simply rest in your own company.
Sit down or walk, quietly inside or outside in busy streets with music, but listen… Hear all and nothing happening around you. This way you can discover more about you:
In the calm of privacy there’s lots to learn, even in the middle of a walking crowd who does not know you; that’s loneliness too. Where there is nothing to distract the authentic you, the usually denied thoughts and feelings are free to emerge, to be processed and then thrown away or recycled.
8. Freshen Up The Air
Unless one makes a conscious effort for change to happen, when alone, falling into a stagnant pattern where things slowly move is easy. The issue is, starting meaningful change is hard. The problem is, keeping things moving is challenging unless we refresh the scent of loss from grief with small deeds, with small wins that will lead to big victories; such as rearranging the furniture or even shaking up dull routines to bring new life into the atmosphere.