Electric passion, maybe you didn’t learn the lesson, forgetting to put your guard up, you’ve let love in. Then a lucky thing happened. When completely broken by love, your heart resurrected its deep dark feelings and brought them to light. Overthrown by the drama, you sailed out to solo nights and still you didn’t let love in, you didn’t get it.
Bullet proof, perhaps too deep to be understood, give my feelings more than one lifetime to stop sounding flat, carpet like. What is love anyway? Was it a contract when without a final warning you fell in love with someone else. I don’t know but suddenly I see clearly, there is no ideal dream of love, and although all past lovers become a part of us, none last.
What’s worse, not being able to declare your love or to let them loose, to lose the one to someone else while knowing, they could have been yours? Nervousness doesn’t want to be left alone nor to be with anyone. In this instant forever, in bliss we live in a straight jacket built for two. Since online dating pics appreciating real human beings is becoming the hard art of creating insatiable conversation, deep insightful discussions, can love take you on an adventure? Do you believe in freely exploring this experience to reframe your self perception?
You’re too weak to raise your middle finger but often strong enough to throw anger on walls. So sorry it has to go down like this, you don’t own me any explanation but I expect it. An exchange of give and take, an invisible feeling made of visible things – like I give you what you need and you care for me, what else love could be, a rosy fantasy? No one knows anymore about anything, that’s the truth about everything.
Now walking uncomfortably in your skin, like the way you made me feel, I wonder how you are doing but some feelings are best left behind. It’s not because it’s spiritual that it’s good. You’ve been warned, spiritual isn’t always good. What is good? The person you were in love with doesn’t even exist. You thought of an angel because she looks like one and you foolishly looked for outer validations of what you already knew deep down. What is wrong or bad?
Getting rejected happens to many, your request for pity is annoying. Why are you asking this? Is there such a thing as unconditional love? The stupid things you say and how you say it proves you are still good at something. So you can find somewhere to go, here, there’s nothing that pulls you back. I wasn’t in the mood to sit in cafés next to couples who read the newspaper not talking to each other; they bore each other. They don’t like breathing close to people either, they don’t like touching nor can they stand each other. Trapped with her talking, he needed to use the toilet just not to hear any more and she loathed displays of affection of any kind, they weren’t going to say goodbye. When one threatens to leave, sadness and melancholy seem eternal. Her shamelessness pretends that nothing ever happened, she boldly avoids him and he’s stunned by her sword tongue. Whether or not she owes it, his pulse races for an apology, they are locked in misunderstanding. Guilt has trouble maintaining direct eye contact and her ability to hold hers is waning. Feeling scrutinized by a mischievous look, she grows neurotic, she snaps back… A seductive kiss to his mind, her pretty eyes commit crimes.
Yes there are lots of nice people, somewhere but why make small talk when we can eat and ignore each other? We are going to drown. So scream or get your violin. Squeezed out of a ‘taken for granted’ relationship status, I’ve always preferred solitude but I’d share mine with you. Everywhere you go, you bring your internal prison with you. Too angry to speak and when you do, your words get me in the gut like a weird kind of wetness low in my stomach. Revealing more of themselves, people change. With time they become weird, as if the person you knew never was. Love is love. Can’t let you in my heart, can’t get you out of my head. Be humbled by the fact that you’re forgettable, realize, that by the time you see her for the virus that she really is, she’ll already be crawling under your skin. Decorate absence however you want, your heart still will feel what’s missing. There is a huge difference between liking someone and liking their attention. You lost me when you stopped saying your good mornings and good nights. Let’s recognize our perfect match and do nothing about it, let’s watch the sunset’s reflection in your incredible eyes, let’s admire what’s prettier that whatever the word pretty was invented to describe.
How do people’s feelings shift? Why love is counting hours while being apart and why it doesn’t die while the effort does? Love is not for the risk averse. It strips you down to your raw self, so go ahead and be selfish, save your life if you still care about it. Go where you easily flow and you’ll see your journey end in me. Little by little, your words on the edge of me, I heard all you didn’t say. It’s scary, hold my hand, as we fall apart. It’s not hate, it’s worse, it’s disgust. No need to stick the knife in my savagely ripped out heart, the one you stuck it in my back is enough. I’m indifferent because you’re insignificant. You’re only true to your fake self. Although you’ve turned me into a bitter person, I never claimed to be a permanent one. Although there was an exciting time, a first encounter on a mountaintop of purity which we’ll never recapture, there is nothing left to rekindle, not a flickering moment, not even a familiar fragrance. Now all there is, is a sense of lost possibility and a romance that could have been. A person created out of illusions that led to the disappointment of being let down. When it’s lost, where does love stops for directions?
Book Recommendation: Love Is a Dog from Hell by Charles Bukowski:
Bukowski Reads his Poem “The Crunch” (Love is a dog from Hell – 1977 Collection)
The Crunch is a poem by Charles Bukowski. This version is one of three different versions and was published in 1977, part of the collection ‘Love Is a Dog from Hell’ . The original version of the crunch was published in Second Coming magazine in 1977.
The Crunch
Love is a Dog From Hell – 1977:
too much
too little
too fat
too thin
or nobody.
laughter or
tears
haters
lovers
strangers with faces like
the backs of
thumb tacks
armies running through
streets of blood
waving winebottles
bayoneting and fucking
virgins.
an old guy in a cheap room
with a photograph of M. Monroe.
there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock
people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.
people just are not good to each other
one on one.
the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.
we are afraid.
our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.
it hasn’t told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.
or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone
untouched
unspoken to
watering a plant.
people are not good to each other.
people are not good to each other.
people are not good to each other.
I suppose they never will be.
I don’t ask them to be.
but sometimes I think about
it.
the beads will swing
the clouds will cloud
and the killer will behead the child
like taking a bite out of an ice cream cone.
too much
too little
too fat
too thin
or nobody
more haters than lovers.
people are not good to each other.
perhaps if they were
our deaths would not be so sad.
meanwhile I look at young girls
stems
flowers of chance.
there must be a way.
surely there must be a way that we have not yet
though of.
who put this brain inside of me?
it cries
it demands
it says that there is a chance.
it will not say “no.”
How to Attract True Love into Your Life:
- Evaluate what you’re attracted to.
- You have to become what you desire.
- Listen to the Universal Voice,
- Trust Coincidences and Watch for synchronicities.
- Self actualization; project the energy that you want to attract.
- Marry your purpose; soulmate relationship is the merging of purposes.
- Don’t waste time with a wrong match.
- Recover from bad choices (Making bad choices is a natural part of life but you can recover from bad choices).
- Look around for other options because God always produces a way out for you to return to the light in your heart.
- Reconnect with people who love you.
- Be available and approachable.
“One is not loved accidentally; one’s own power to love produces love – just as being interested makes one interesting. People are concerned with the question of whether they are attractive while they forget that the essence of attractiveness is their own capacity to love. To love a person productively implies to care and to feel responsible for his life, not only for his physical existence but for the growth and development of all his human powers. To love productively is incompatible with being passive, with being an onlooker at the loved person’s life; it implies labor and care and the responsibility for his growth.” Erich Fromm, Man for Himself: An Inquiry into the Psychology of Ethics. #inspiring #Love
“Love is a word that is overused these days, due to other lesser feelings often being mistaken for it. Infatuation, admiration, and attraction can pose as love, and can sometimes overwhelm us and fool us into thinking that we have found the real thing when we haven’t. Those other feelings may be pleasant for a time, but they are not real love. Real love is rare. It’s something that, quite honestly, I believe very few people ever truly experience.” Marian Vere, Once Upon A Second Chance. #Manifest My #Soulmate
A friend’s apology.
I am sorry like the mornings in Bali,
there is no other soul like yours.
I was crazy, I was foggy
I was nasty, I was dreamy
But now I regret, I am at shame
For all the troubles, I am to blame
I promise you, I will turn a new leaf,
never again, will I ever give you grief..
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for everything I wrote
I’m sorry for exposing my mind
I’m sorry for being a stupid goat
I’m sorry for the stupid jokes
I’m sorry for to have offended you
I’m sorry for this awful poem
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
How do I tell you I’m sorry
With a gesture, a look or a word?
How is it I never realized
I hurt you so much
It must have been so hard on you
I’m sorry for all I put you through
I’m sorry for the helping hand I didn’t lend
I wish to be a better friend
I’m sorry I hurt you
I didn’t mean to
I’m sorry I hurt you
I regret it, I do.
What I did, I regret.
So let’s make up and forget?
