Mechanical repetition slowly crushes your personality. It’s going to change, things can quickly change, keep faith. For things will work out, no doubt. Maybe not the way you planned, just how it’s meant to be. Some suspicious manners and looks are tagging you, their ego took over so you are not talking to their soul. Lost somewhere that doesn’t exist; it is in you to win the battle against your mind, against fated situations beyond your control.
When taking in other people’s perceptions, it’s easy to be mislead and confused by a bombarding influx of ideas and agendas. Look deeper under the foundations of get rich quick scams that supposedly fall into your lap. An odd mood demands: how are we to hold onto a dead rope for so long? Why pretend that the world is polite when everyone wants to swear out loud? Is the world a depressing place? Surely, at times, life certainly is. But in this moment we must do what we can to conquer the paths less travelled, for there, most likely lie unfound treasures. There comes a moment in life when life becomes a moment. Things move on and people change, and have we done something different to what we’ve done before? If some people are perversely sick, who’s fault is it? Many people don’t see the future how you see it, they don’t change. Instead, they deteriorate and their choices lead them there; nowhere. No choice is right and none are wrong. It depends what time, what day and what mood we’re in, to taste a bit of everything. Not everyone likes a bit of everything, you? You figured out early that you didn’t want their life; a hard thankless existence with few fireworks worn by a kind but disappointed face. Is there as much to learn in watching than in participating? When walking on the edge of an atomic bomb, ignorance proves useful in taking us into the places we fear, but all that glitters is not gold and all that is not gold is not litter. Is flattery a controlling brute without a firm grip? Sleek and well polished, everyone wants something to pierce through. Insidiously, getting in there from the inside, going there for experience and not sitting here waiting for madness to find reason.
Misery is magnetic to the non charismatics who don’t trust themselves. Their feelings are worthless guides. Not knowing what to say, in dark front rooms under roofs, they proudly blink at burning coal; at the enchanting joyless fire; at Saturday’s supermarket trolleys; at acting dead; at creepy photographs; at a zombie world happening; at the perfect nonsense; at a panicked nod of approval used as an asswipe; at deleted browser histories; at an epic collective psychosis; at the neighbor’s cat pink hair; at weird and disturbing perversions; at how to heal; at insane humanity and at a crisis of sanity. Shrieking behind ragged cliffs, life is a constant winter of birthdays and deaths where simplicity is complicated by beautiful what ifs.
Many rules are made by those with no intention of following them. Peace of mind mustn’t be their highest goal but relax, it only hurts right up until you die; the fortunate wheel of life has sold off all her filthy junk. The body struggles to retrieve green pastures and after scraping dirt, peace knows she did her best. The past isn’t lost and the future could be. So forget what day it was and remember the moments and the dreamlike images as the mess organizes itself, as many minds wonder if they can afford to wander in life and venture out of their darkened den in search of excitement while wishing they were elsewhere. When did they wish for this: the quiet of the ticking clock; the refrigerator’s hum; the lack of thrills on your chest and the surplus of frightening memories heavy in your lonely mind as you crawl in between clean sheets. Bad happened for so long, you wonder if the good you’ve been waiting for will ever happen? Complaining, yet not knowing what you exactly want to satiate your desire; it fills your throat with thick despair as you lie awake next to bright lights, their chaos has depth and you’re fighting not to drown in. Afloat in an open space of infinite potential and a frictionless world of warmth; on your birthday you feel invincible as if electrified. It’s weird how the morning after, you’re back to wanting to die. Nobody knows what you feel inside. People think you’re crazy if you talk about things they don’t understand. So, sometimes being patient is the best alternative since what is coming will be greater than what is.
Actions are rarely misunderstood. The expression of a mad species hates what is not understood and masters the art of self deception, telling lies to the point of believing it’s own fantastic illusions – a fake species that cannot see the real reality. Instead, it is lost in a nauseating medley of guilt and sorrow with just a pinch of relief provided by endless consumption and cruel reproduction that results from an insatiable thirsting for more of craving the next thing. In the midst of an existence that constantly reflects our needs and anxieties back to us, are we killing ourselves as a way to figure out how to not kill ourselves? No matter the consequences, some invest much energy in things to simply not feel empty and to fill an insatiable void that can never be filled. Although inside of us, there is a jewel. A gift encoded in emptiness; the void must be avoided at all cost. Hoping for things to return to abnormal soon; talking to plants about a horse. Our excuses really mean: I can’t be bothered.
Disagree or dislike but open up to someone else’s thoughts. Defrost yourself. Respect won’t come uninvited and your unhappiness won’t change by judging others, by breaking them into whatever fits your perspective and whatever appeases your insecurities. How to see the inside of anything without breaking it? How to talk about yourself without first figuring out who you are? Is the question the answer? Life’s unfulfilled expectations cause the greatest pain and after softening your sharp edges they fade out of sight. Running scared, knowing the days are numbered in a world full of choice where choosing is increasingly becoming a time consuming challenge. We don’t give ourselves enough credit for surviving, for trying to kill feelings but being killed by feelings.
Rummaging through her shambles, tender life is rigged in rough worlds so she’s given up working in vain to regain their trust. It’s difficult to adjust to the confused parts living in the complexity of your own mind. What do you do about the things and those you cannot bear? In the absence of something wanted, hope is a silent killer, a sort of sin you’d worship. Who’s to say we aren’t all dead and this isn’t hell? Wait! Your infinite potential is limitless and your possibilities are endless.
Grabbing your throat with hands of misery, some don’t mean to but they project their faults on you. Horrified, the dreadful interrogate you but your blank mind stares at the soundless dark; at remorseful flashes and at the ungiven love and the good undone. Climbing life and clearing its wrong beginnings takes bravery and a long time; up to the grave. Indecisions are slowing you down. Why don’t you stop being rational and just pretend that you’ll never die? Take love as anesthetic for your rage and then accept that you can’t escape life, an infinite understanding process. Some walk around it, some jump right into it but when the uncaring world arises, work has to be done. Pain demands to be felt. It’s a strange feeling to wish for the time to slow and speed up at the same time. Waking up on the wrong side of life? Courage; for what we endure makes us! Everyone likes you only when you’re not being you. That’s why many outsiders don’t dare to let their guard down and risk acting social, in case they get reminded of why they were anti-social in the first place. The moment you give close attention to anything, to even a blade of grass, it becomes a magnificent world in itself. And the moment you rise above your limitations and the positive vibe killers, they melt away. Since like your desires, your choices define you, doubt everything, do the right thing and let everything else take its course. Your own experience teaches you: the sky is above you, the earth is below you and the fire is within you.
