Passionate Love – Have You Learned The Lesson?

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passion-love-you-learned-lesson-hammock

A hammock of love and passion.

Electric passion, maybe you didn’t learn the lesson, forgetting to put your guard up, you’ve let love in. Then a lucky thing happened. When completely broken by love, your heart resurrected its deep dark feelings and brought them to light. Overthrown by the drama, you sailed out to solo nights and still you didn’t let love in, you didn’t get it.

Bullet proof, perhaps too deep to be understood, give my feelings more than one lifetime to stop sounding flat, carpet like. What is love anyway? Was it a contract when without a final warning you fell in love with someone else. I don’t know but suddenly I see clearly, there is no ideal dream of love, and although all past lovers become a part of us, none last.

What’s worse, not being able to declare your love or to let them loose, to lose the one to someone else while knowing, they could have been yours? Nervousness doesn’t want to be left alone nor to be with anyone. In this instant forever, in bliss we live in a straight jacket built for two. Since online dating pics appreciating real human beings is becoming the hard art of creating insatiable conversation, deep insightful discussions, can love take you on an adventure? Do you believe in freely exploring this experience to reframe your self perception?

You’re too weak to raise your middle finger but often strong enough to throw anger on walls. So sorry it has to go down like this, you don’t own me any explanation but I expect it. An exchange of give and take, an invisible feeling made of visible things – like I give you what you need and you care for me, what else love could be, a rosy fantasy? No one knows anymore about anything, that’s the truth about everything.

Now walking uncomfortably in your skin, like the way you made me feel, I wonder how you are doing but some feelings are best left behind. It’s not because it’s spiritual that it’s good. You’ve been warned, spiritual isn’t always good. What is good? The person you were in love with doesn’t even exist. You thought of an angel because she looks like one and you foolishly looked for outer validations of what you already knew deep down. What is wrong or bad?

Getting rejected happens to many, your request for pity is annoying. Why are you asking this? Is there such a thing as unconditional love? The stupid things you say and how you say it proves you are still good at something. So you can find somewhere to go, here, there’s nothing that pulls you back. I wasn’t in the mood to sit in cafés next to couples who read the newspaper not talking to each other; they bore each other. They don’t like breathing close to people either, they don’t like touching nor can they stand each other. Trapped with her talking, he needed to use the toilet just not to hear any more and she loathed displays of affection of any kind, they weren’t going to say goodbye. When one threatens to leave, sadness and melancholy seem eternal. Her shamelessness pretends that nothing ever happened, she boldly avoids him and he’s stunned by her sword tongue. Whether or not she owes it, his pulse races for an apology, they are locked in misunderstanding. Guilt has trouble maintaining direct eye contact and her ability to hold hers is waning. Feeling scrutinized by a mischievous look, she grows neurotic, she snaps back… A seductive kiss to his mind, her pretty eyes commit crimes.

Yes there are lots of nice people, somewhere but why make small talk when we can eat and ignore each other? We are going to drown. So scream or get your violin. Squeezed out of a ‘taken for granted’ relationship status, I’ve always preferred solitude but I’d share mine with you. Everywhere you go, you bring your internal prison with you. Too angry to speak and when you do, your words get me in the gut like a weird kind of wetness low in my stomach. Revealing more of themselves, people change. With time they become weird, as if the person you knew never was. Love is love. Can’t let you in my heart, can’t get you out of my head. Be humbled by the fact that you’re forgettable, realize, that by the time you see her for the virus that she really is, she’ll already be crawling under your skin. Decorate absence however you want, your heart still will feel what’s missing. There is a huge difference between liking someone and liking their attention. You lost me when you stopped saying your good mornings and good nights. Let’s recognize our perfect match and do nothing about it, let’s watch the sunset’s reflection in your incredible eyes, let’s admire what’s prettier that whatever the word pretty was invented to describe.

How do people’s feelings shift? Why love is counting hours while being apart and why it doesn’t die while the effort does? Love is not for the risk averse. It strips you down to your raw self, so go ahead and be selfish, save your life if you still care about it. Go where you easily flow and you’ll see your journey end in me. Little by little, your words on the edge of me, I heard all you didn’t say. It’s scary, hold my hand, as we fall apart. It’s not hate, it’s worse, it’s disgust. No need to stick the knife in my savagely ripped out heart, the one you stuck it in my back is enough. I’m indifferent because you’re insignificant. You’re only true to your fake self. Although you’ve turned me into a bitter person, I never claimed to be a permanent one. Although there was an exciting time, a first encounter on a mountaintop of purity which we’ll never recapture, there is nothing left to rekindle, not a flickering moment, not even a familiar fragrance. Now all there is, is a sense of lost possibility and a romance that could have been. A person created out of illusions that led to the disappointment of being let down. When it’s lost, where does love stops for directions?

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