We wait in straight lines for tickets. From airfares to concerts to paychecks to welfares to lotteries… we choose to queue on waiting lists. Some of us, of course jump ahead but the rest of us, do we ever choose where the end of the waiting list will lead? And, while we are straight lining, where are we sending our feelings, what are we thinking, and to whom are we lending our thoughts?
We know ourselves to be loving, powerful and perfect reflections of the universe, however, we lower our disappointed voice, we soften our frustrated anger and we suppress our feelings in an attempt to cope with being conditioned into unquestioning compliance at an early age. Some of us have learned to love everybody else before ourselves; excitement, love and joy only come in the form of surprises, a planned event or an exception to the rule. Whoever or whatever it might be that has priority over our self love, it comes down to this: whatever we think and feel at a given moment in time matters to the outcome of our lives, not of others.
Sure, we don’t have to care about this fact. We could buy more gadgets instead or let a draining and time consuming relationship fill our void and continue to call it “completeness.” But these substitutes make us feel better only until we discover that real love can’t be bought. Yes, love for self interest, lust, status or codependency is easily found and no doubt can be bought but the type of love we are supposed to give to ourselves is not on sale. Self love is priceless. It is a gift offered to each of us at birth and forever this love exists freely within us, if we choose to let it be so.
We can choose to blame something outside ourselves for believing ourselves powerless, to feel victimized by the bad things that happen or let someone else take control over us while we put ourselves down. Or, we can choose to quit these negative habits; stop them from consuming us bit by bit. We can choose to think of life as a school, where each day we are given the opportunity to learn lessons in various forms. And even though some of us stagnate, each semester moves us on until we all eventually graduate into our fate.
Progress consists of trials and errors. That’s why there is no one size fits all rulebook for being human. We call ourselves failures after we’ve made mistakes, thinking it’s the end of the road. Failing isn’t a sign of inadequacy, it is simply part of the learning process for us and an opportunity to tweak our ways until they ultimately work for us. Whatever we say and do, when we sign up for change there is no part of life that does not contain lessons.
In the past, we rightly experimented for our benefit. We grabbed a pen, drew a map and still we got lost. But why not expect that this time round, we can grab a pen, draw our dream and get our eyes lost in the splendor of all we behold? Why not make this image a permanent imprint in our mind?
We are so shortsighted to our natural and innate ability to love ourselves and others that we dismiss the obvious blessings that stand before us. Always chasing the next shiny object to have or look to emulate, we attempt desperately to collect pats on the back, to accumulate approvals until our last day has come. Until we are called to weigh the real against the fake. The real will weigh more, of course. This is what real is:
To feel completely lovable and perfectly loved is;
to accept now right here,
to make contact with the worlds within,
to honestly face inner obstacles and resistances,
to heal and deal with old wounds,
to release old residues of negative emotions,
to form relationships where you feel loved and appreciated,
to give the kind of love we aspire to receive is real.
Life questions us and the answers lie within us. Life is a master teacher and the tools to survive life’s tests are within us, therefore, we are good enough! Even if some parts of us seem unfitting, we can transform our unfitting parts and only keep what fits. We can live life unfinished, unfulfilled, and incomplete or we can learn to love ourselves and prepare for a fulfilling life. No more playing the game of pretending that we’re not pretending to choose to forget what we have to say, what we want to do, and who we are when at night we close the blinds with our authentic self.
Others are merely mirrors of ourselves. As much as we cannot hate something about another person unless it reflects something we hate about ourselves, we cannot love another person unless we love ourselves first. No one else in the world is exactly like us since every one of us is unique. If only we took time to acknowledge and value our own perspectives and not seek validation through the opinions of others. If only we listened to and trusted our own voice rather than that of the masses, we could see how much perfection exists in our perceived imperfections. We could hear our instincts, think for ourselves, speak our truth and do what matters most to us in order to gain self-respect. We could quite simply… love ourselves.
Don’t forget this: what we make of our life is up to us. The choice is ours to start telling ourselves love stories about whatever we would like to call ourselves; an adventurer, an artist, a suit holding a suitcase, the greatest basketball player in the world. Whatever makes us proud and whatever we say, let’s say it proudly, let’s love ourselves openly!
Let’s throw self doubt into the air, let’s write ourselves a statement and affirm its words to ourselves with determination that comes from deep within the ocean of our souls. “Our imagination runs young and free, our energy and willpower has no limits.” We are accustomed to look for our defects, so we cover our errors by standing immobile and pretending to be stainless in our steel armour. But being soft, imperfect and compassionate isn’t a weakness, the real weak are nothing more than the abusers and the shamers among us.
And now, as we sit on our backseat in a sceptic position, it’s time to pause a moment to examine carefully how it is so hard to love ourselves in all our parts. As if to avoid punishment or the loss of love we were hypnotized into a passive position where the self loathing seem immovable. However, with courage and faith we can befriend ourselves, we can unpuzzle in our mind all the conditioned thoughts and ideas about ourselves that pollute the bases of the truth about the value of our authentic self.
After we tried to avoid looking straight ahead at the raw truth of our past wounds that we’ve forgotten by lying to ourselves. A daunting sudden realization emerges; our fears must be faced in plain daylight otherwise they’ll chase us, forcing their eyes onto ours, in the darkest of places where light shines through cracks to undo the limit we’ve put on love. As our flaws are overflowed by unconditional love, our human anxiety and sense of insecurity represents past feelings that can be healed by being released.
Growing older and wiser,
reviewing the past at a later date,
analysing how we looked and sounded, when our self doubt had become our prison.
When we stopped dreaming of changing ourselves,
when we got used to mediocrity,
when we discovered that we would not change the world,
when we picked up our fantasies,
successes and hopes.
Time and time again we missed the hole of our own mouths. We failed to feed our desires, those that reside in our guts so their fired hunger was expressed through our words; rough and incorrect.
Now let’s be sweet and correct in all our actions and decisions, whether they be toward ourselves or towards others. There are aspects about ourselves that we are proud of, so let’s not focus on those we don’t like. There are strengths in our weak spots, so let’s explore them further instead of sitting twisted up in our seat with fear under our feet while saying firmly we’re the worst.
Before giving our power away and blaming the way things are. Before resenting the shape of our bodies, the number of zeros in our bank accounts and the madness that runs free, have we at least tried to change ourselves first? We don’t like ourselves because our lives don’t match and vice versa. And we do nothing about it, we navel gaze, waiting for a day that will never come unless we start taking control of our own destinies, of our flesh and bones and souls.
Enough of waiting to see what our neighbor is doing next. Now let’s be overheard talking politely to ourselves as we stroll through our backyards! Let’s let the modesty be frivolous and tell ourselves loud and clear that we are the greatest person who ever lived and let’s embrace our courage to make the change: to love ourselves without blushing.
As long as we are loving to ourselves we can brighten up our lives with rays of inspiration and make our hearts work for our best interests. Even if there are people who have some parts like us, some better or worse; no one adds up exactly like us. In our own uniqueness we breath, and that is to invent something new, to be explored then shared, not to be discarded.
We have all the resources we need to become intimately acquainted with ourselves, what we do with them is up to us; like machines we can engineer ourselves to look like clones, merely thinking for ourselves about what to wear, love or believe and just follow along with the generic trends that promote replacing our soulful imperfections with an artificial perfection.
We can affirm our self esteem by feeling good and beautiful in our imperfections. By looking after what we already have, taking our natural state to its highest potential, being at peace with just being us… as we are, with our emotions and everything they make us feel; including unconditional love for ourselves.