Should I forgive others and me?
Forgiveness of the pain, another snake bite of betrayal. A teaspoon full of venom inserted from behind the chest; the deceiving words you whispered as I was lying in your trust.
Forgiving back stabbing to please your egoistic needs, a twisted version of love as you, flirting with enemies, our dreams shared, our secret world and privacy exposed, and shame pours over me.
Your thirst sucked my kindness until I dried up. A coat hanger, I was discarded next to an old pair of socks, a jug of milk with an expiry date, a chipped coffee mug disposed of and left to digest the bitter taste of betrayal.
Time after time, me forgiving the pieces broken, down until I’m walked all over as I lay down on the floor, to forgive myself, I confess. For amateurish judgement, naive trust, faith in illusions and decisions made dreaming, that ended disillusioned.
Forgiving the past that pinches my toes, holds me back and follows me, gripping tightly to my ankles.
Forgiving kills the peace in my sleep. After the mental attack, naked in my weakest state, my soul is ripped open, violated.
Deception hits in the darkness of your shadow, your real colors are shown as non existent. Punished for my charity, my failed intuition humiliated as your acidic texture boils my guts.
How many times can the unforgettable be forgiven?
Forgiven, some at first regret only repeating their mistakes in an endless loop of apologies. In despair, you witness a sad state, one that wants to squeeze out every last drop of your happiness and instead insert their poison into you.
Each time, spite spits more strongly from a sick psychotic mind, a conscience without morals and a fake smile that cringes as your success threatens their lies, your talent exposing their emptiness.
Maybe I’ve being wronged because my truths are waterproof, my tears tear down the condemning facts, those secretly sewn into my tongue. And I chew, I ruminate the unforgettable, that tastes like:
My own gullibility that does not sense who can be trusted.
My childhood: Unloving step parents, uncaring mothers, absentee dads, traumatizing schooling, neglect and emotional abuse.
Bad luck: Rainy wedding Sundays and sunny Monday mornings, an innocent incurably sick.
Betrayal: Unfaithful lovers, backstabbing friends, envious neighbors, a jealous family member, lying preachers and two faced mask wearers.
Disrespect: Breaking up via text, cheating with your best friend’s partner, the elderly abandoned and the disabled mocked. Pregnant women with no seat on the train and women used as self serve sex machines.
Horror: Gut rippers and murderers, ignorant haters, enemies with no morals. Manipulators, sociopaths and predators that prey on the weak.
Unfairness: Trees cut for profit, life insurance stealers, slavish bosses and corrupted authority. The majority attacking minorities, divide and conquer, out of touch judges.
Do actions done out of hunger and survival deserve our mercy? Questions for consideration.
a). A starved mother stealing to feed her child, then she hides the ticket price under her coat to cover up the bar code.
b). A narcissist taking advantage of a vulnerable victim to feed their selfish desires, then they cover up the dirty traces of the ashes left behind.
Is it human to condemn the mother? Do we have the empathy required to forgive the narcissist?
c). There is a man shooting in self defence against a violent home intruder.
d). There is a man self serving his sick vice on women and children.
Should we forgive, understand, judge and punish them the same way?
e). Addicts stealing to satisfy their self destructive habits.
f). Corporations who steal in broad daylight, broadcast and watch by millions whilst making $billions disappear to satisfy their thirst for power.
Should we point our fingers at the self destructive the same way we let go freely of those who destruct us?
Does cause, effect and fate act on behalf of victims?
Should we destroy? Or should we let time deal with it while we move on, heal and forgive? Forgiving doesn’t mean going back to the source of chaos or pain. It is letting go of grudges for the sake of sleepless nights, broken hearts and our sanity. Some earn back to our respect by changing but the hardest to forgive are those who haven’t changed but our morals dictate that we should forgive them nonetheless.
Forgiving to not leave one’s heart behind,
its emptiness too heavy to be carried forward,
the heart is unable to give again a bit of its life.
A heart connected to a brain, mixed with common sense, fairness, justice and diplomacy, equals redemption. However, often and depending on the nature of the beast that bites us, these qualities get temporarily or eternally lost.
A venomous snake can leave one strangled, breathless, nearing death or dead. A storyteller can play mind tricks that stir and confuse, leaving you questioning your intellect because your weaknesses were exploited. Your strength has weakened and your bullshit filter pierced.
Each situation is unique; each wound counts; each victim’s voice has a right to heal and a right to be heard by exposing their aggressor.
The fashion is forgiveness, especially for those who classify themselves as spiritual, human, diplomat or kind. But some kindness states leads them to a depressed state, a repressed hate, a self consuming shame, while their traitors parade shamelessly, guiltless and without any sign of regret.
The pretentious parasites self serve their ruthless selfishness with greedy personal status gains, a step up in the career ladder or plain and simple admiration. And, they satisfy their appetite by crossing the reputations of lost souls in distress.
If your heart is broken, time heals.
If your account balance is down, there are priceless life lessons.
If your reputation is damaged, those who count won’t mind.
If your friend is gone, it wasn’t friendship.
If your job is lost, it wasn’t your calling.
If your ego is sore, phone call your soul.
If your trust is broken, learn to set boundaries.
If you confuse abuse for love, look at your belief of what love is.
If your beliefs create patterns that hurt, break them down and treat the root.
The hardest part of forgiveness is that first you have to forgive yourself…
Time and time again… Naive, you forgive. You let the enemy enter your home and violate your private space, until one brutal day, the catalyst for change happens. You bang nails into your own coffin, hammered down by your own guilt and stupidity. Painting yourself as a tearful clown, you feel foolishly used and forced to face your hurt while the enemy is laughing at you and showing others their crocodile tears.
Like attracts like. You attract what energetically matches you, so the first thing to do is to look within and deal with the mess inside of you. Otherwise, no matter how many paybacks, apologies, excuses or explanations are granted, the same type of person and situation will keep manifesting. Perhaps dressed up as different shapes and appearing in new contexts, it will still eventually reveal itself all the same.
Ask yourself: If you keep getting your heart ripped open and going back for more, what do you think love is? If you are a target for energy vampires, what type of energy do you emit? If you love people who mistreat you, what type of love do you think you deserve to receive? Is disrespect an acceptable way of showing love according to your memory?
Forgiveness appeases the weight of resentment and benefits both parties involved, however it’s easier said than done. Once we weed out the fakes in our lives there is close to nothing left, so we keep waking up with the bitter taste of what’s gone to waste inside our chests.
Forgiving to not seek revenge, to stop sadness from planning tricks to get even and to avoid being stabbed again by the same hand. Forgiveness is the wisdom to understand that revenge is already done. The sinners have to live their miserable existence forever, while we can move on.
Forgiveness is to accept that nobody can change unless they want to. These people, they’ll shut you up because truth leads to change and change is uncomfortable for those living in denial. That’s why certain people would rather remain miserable than confront an uncomfortable healing process.
Who does not evolve,
what does not resolve,
A love wasted.
A love gone to waste,
when the truth is hard to digest,
you feel it in your chest.
When the love is gone,
and shot by a shotgun.
The bullets caressed
and danced a bloody song.
that’s all there is left
in forgiveness no rest,
only sadness in stillness.
Put the past to rest,
infuse fresh blood into your distress,
and see all there is still left.
After the heart harnessed what blessed,
after the blow has bitten his crows,
after the reptile imprint his crows,
into the leg of a lamb.
All that is left is the blood,
slowly leaking but still it soars,
and under the dry artery remains,
it drops tear by tear.
murdered the trust,
the hope and the rope,
the links betrayed,
broken and unchained.
To forgive is to sew in the raw,
a painful process,
in the end,